Trust

So, I'm holding my breath until W leaves. It's been since Thanksgiving that we've had a break.

When he came back that time, and said he really didn't want to think about going back to DC again, I accomodated and made it feel like this is the way it is.

But by now, I'm fried. My new job, which will be good when it settles in, and my medical stuff, which could be much worse, and Billy Joel, are all weighing very heavy on my mind.

But I can't express to SJ how much I need the respite, because I can't trust him not to make it Will's problem. That lack of trust is critical. There are so many things I don't say. Probably I need to get help again to learn how to make that communication work. Next step. Makes me feel better to write this out.

And to participate in a film which outlines all his dark fantasies isn't easy. I'm glad I told him that.